I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
