Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
MIDGETS
????
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
