butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
