I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
