I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
