Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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