Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
