then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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