Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
