My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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