turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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