This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize