She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
