If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
