i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
