I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no, he came in my armpit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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