Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize