i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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