Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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