I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
