hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
