Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
