Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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