I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
