saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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