I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
