i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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