She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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