just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
