And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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