Im at strip club and am horny
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize