I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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