Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
