He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
