Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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