I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
