I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
