Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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