Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
