I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
