Your dad touched me again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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