is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
