Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
