yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
