grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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