and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize