dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
