dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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