Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
