Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
