no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
