I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
