fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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