Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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