I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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