I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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