Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
