This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
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just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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