i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How naked do you want me to be?
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