Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.