Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
