You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
