Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
