Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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