i think i have two assholes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh god it's open bar.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
