Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
