So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
