Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Randomize
