This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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