I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
