We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
