I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
