So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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