Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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