I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
