I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
