Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
