The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
