We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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