sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
