Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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