dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
