I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
