I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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