I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she told me i tasted like america
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
