i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
