If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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