Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
