I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.