I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
