I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
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How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.