I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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