Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
