he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...