Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.