She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.