Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.